stuff that makes me laugh

1. If you've never perused the Wait, Wait blog, you're missing out. My favorite series is sandwich Mondays. The Wait, Wait team eats some disgusting edible food-like substance and blogs about the experience as it unfolds. Here is a snippet from yesterday's entry:

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Not content to let other nationwide chains be the only ones to commit murder-by-sandwich, last week Denny's unveiled its Fried Cheese Melt. That's a grilled cheese with four deep-fried mozzarella sticks on it. Peter, Mike and I headed out to Oak Park, Ill., to give it a try.

Mike: This obviates the need for that awkward question, "Have you decided on an appetizer?"

Peter: Yeah, it's like, "Yes, I'll have the fried mozzarella sticks, and I'll have them encased in bread."

Read more about fried cheese

2. Sometimes Linda Holmes is a comic genius. And David Hasselhoff is "the poster boy for public ambivalence." You might enjoy this if you have any feelings about Dancing with the Stars, knowledge of 1980s stars and music, or a passing interest in politics.

rodent follow-up

I moved the toy snakes every other day. I picked as fast as I could. But still, there were hundreds of half-eaten apricots on the ground. I've already eaten or dried all the fruit. Then I ate all the dried fruit.

. . . and I set the pits outside for my friend, the squirrel.

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Squirrel totally won.

nemesis

Right now I am excited because my apricot tree looks like this:

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And in a few weeks, I hope to have a lot of these:

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But while I wait for those beauties to ripen fully, this has been hampering my plans:

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On Saturday I saw him sitting in the crook of the tree, fat and happy, after pillaging at least, from the looks of the ground beneath the tree, forty of my apricots. He was making contented noises and looked like he was considering a nap after the difficult work of plunder. First I threw some fallen apricots his direction, then I pulled up some gardening forums and found some helpful and some amusing anecdotes and advice. Some fell along the "get out your BB gun" lines, while others pleaded for their furry friends the squirrels. "You can get your apricots at the store - they can't!" they claimed. No way; nowhere else will I get free organic produce. That fruit is mine. 

After being cautioned that hot pepper spray can get in beady little rodent eyes, prompting them scratch themselves to their own detriment, I opted for a kinder measure - the toy snakes method. I placed about six (florescent colored, not very realistic looking) toy snakes around the tree, and they seem to have done the trick. Apparently I'll have to move them every couple days to keep up the ruse. So for now, squirrel, you keep your eyes and I keep my apricots. May the best-adapted species win.